why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
