Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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