elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
