my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
