I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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