why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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