I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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