Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
