yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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