kristin has been a bad kristin
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
