I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
