I hate your face
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
