I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
