you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
