His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
