I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
