I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My feet surprised me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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