Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
