I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
