Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
