Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Alive.
So much puke
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
