Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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