So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
did you just send me my own nude
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
