I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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