i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have feelings that need drinking.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
