im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
