I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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