Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
