he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
