I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize