cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
