i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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