Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
