my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
