you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
