my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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