I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
