A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
