ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
