i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
