and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
