Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you repeat that, but with context?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
