My first STD was from a foam party
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
