I heard we made out
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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