dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
