respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
