I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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