Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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