i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
babies were throwing up all over the place
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
