thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize