My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
