What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
