Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

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(510): View more from California

stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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(858): View more from California

So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?

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(631): View more from New York

It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.

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(714): View more from California

The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.

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(619): View more from California

Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows

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