woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
