M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
