meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
