I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
