I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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