i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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