Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
