Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
