Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
