Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
