We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
