there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
