walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize