No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
