I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
